Seems like ESPN is promoting a different kind of “sport,” as Corey V. hears about a web site with the catchy slogan, “Life Is Short. Have An Affair.” Now, particularly compared to me, Corey is a relatively new father. Thus, I thought I’d help ensure matrimonial harmony in his home and check out the site in more detail — for research purposes only, of course.
At first I could see that his concern that the sanctity of marriage might be in jeopardy was valid. After all, the site promises that “if you don’t find someone within the initial 3 months after purchasing the ‘Affair Guarantee’ Membership Package, we’ll refund you $249.” Come on, even the most committed monogamous couples would be hard pressed to pass up a deal like that! But there’s always those darn details.
Among other things, to qualify for the 100 percent guarantee, “you must send or reply to twenty unique [site] members each month (‘unique’ meaning users you have not previously contacted).” You also must send at least 5 “AshleyGifts” per month and instant message on the site with other members at least 60 minutes per month.
Sorry, that’s way too much work for a guarantee. And an affair (excuse me, “responsible non-monogamy”) just ain’t worth it, effort-wise or survival-wise. That’s especially so since, as Corey noted, there are about 8.5 men for every 1.5 women on the site. It makes a person wonder if the guarantee might also require some other lifestyle alterations — not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Californians invented the concept of life-style. This alone warrants their doom.
Don DeLillo, White Noise