Search term follies

First, I will ackowledge stealing this idea from Vonnegut’s Asshole (and that’s a sentence that is incapable of sounding quite right). It occasionally looks at some of the, shall we say, odd search terms that bring viewers to the site. While I still get plenty of hits from searches like those using “Stephanie Herseth” and words like lesbian, hottie, boyfriend or naked, those aren’t the ones that leave me scratching my head.

Although I’m not positive how all of them led people to this blog, here’s a list of 10 recent interesting queries and my responses in case the searchers return. I am hoping to make this a regular (or irregular) feature. Please note that quotes are my own. If the searcher put terms or phrases in quotes, that will be shown by single quotes within the search phrase.

GOOGLE SEARCH: “circle jerk pictures”

Don’t have ’em. Don’t want ’em. Am concerned that you do.

GOOGLE SEARCH: “ron branson jail insane”

To quote the Magic 8-ball, “Outlook good.”

MAMMA METASEARCH: “9th Amendment Meaning apply to child molesters”

Last time I checked, the 9th Amendment applied to everyone, although it doesn’t really create any rights, saying simply that the Constitution’s enumertion of certain rights doesn’t deny other rights that may exist.

GOOGLE SEARCH: “wife have 7 month pregnant want a abortion”.

Got to defer to the Magic 8-ball on this one, too. “Don’t count on it.”

GOOGLE (SWITZERLAND) SEARCH: “she’s lie wind music”

Sorry, I, too, am bemused by Zen koans.

GOOGLE (CANADA) SEARCH: “medical testing for pregnancy first 16 percent then 29 then 49 does it mean i could be pregnant”

I’m not sure, but I feel confident saying the odds appear to be increasing.

GOOGLE SEARCH: “what would happen if you dropped a junior mint into someone during surgery”

Seems I saw a TV show about that. I don’t recall if it was a documentary but think it had some guy named Kramer in it.

GOOGLE SEARCH: “Tim’s grandfather’s son is Mike’s dad”

Not sure if this is a riddle or someone concerned about inbreeding. In either event, please be aware that it will be unconstitutional for Tim and Mike (or their male relatives) to marry each other in South Dakota.

GOOGLE SEARCH: “Compare and Contrast Jimi Hendrix and Carlos Santana”

I don’t even do my kids’ homework but… Both play guitar. Jimi is dead. Carlos is not.

YAHOO SEARCH: “annual fatalities from running with scissors”

I speculate there are not a great number — unless your parents told you otherwise, in which case they are correct.

If you follow every dream
You might get lost

“The Painter,” Neil Young, Prairie Wind

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