Friday Follies 2.7

Stupid Legislative Trick of the Week: A Minnesota Senate committee has approved a bill requiring state employees to only use lodging with “clean hotel policies and procedures.” And what, may you ask, are those? Well, they are “policies and procedures to reasonably eliminate within the facility the availability of sexually explicit work[.]” And here I thought “clean” had something to do with dusting, mopping and washing hotel facilities. (Via.)

So how does Florida A&M University deal with “dorm room porn” videos? It sues the website hosting it for trademark infringement. (The complaint alleges the video in question — “depicting no less than eight (8) individuals engaging in multiple acts of sexual intercourse” — was not actually recorded on its campus.)

Best Line in a Legal Opinion Award: “When forced to defend their conduct and leadership role, original plaintiffs’ counsel approached the concept of candor to the tribunal as if attempting to sell me a used car,” wrote Vermont Chancery Court Judge Travis Laster in an opinion ordering replacement of plaintiffs’ counsel in a class action lawsuit. No word on whether Vermont’s used car dealers have lodged any complaints with Laster. (Via.)

Here’s one way to fire your lawyer: A murder suspect “had to be taken down by at least four officers” after he hit his defense attorney in the face during jury selection for his murder trial. And you gotta love the attorney’s comment to the newspaper, “Obviously, he didn’t want me on the case anymore.” (Via.)

A South Carolina lawyer has avoided sanctions for tampering with a seat belt during a trial claiming the seat belt was defective. The 70-year-old lawyer said he didn’t recall not restoring the seat belt to it’s original position because he’d “been through a fairly hard day” and “I don’t remember everything as good as I did when I was 25 or 30.”

Maybe it should be flatulence Friday. West Virginia man has been charged with battery for farting on a policeman. And a prisoner in Sweden received an official warning because his repeated episodes of flatulence represented “a series of concerted attacks” on prison staff.

Finally, my new mantra in life may become “I wish I were mahogany.” (Via.)

Antonia Pirelli (Chico Marx), At the Circus