Friday Follies 2.33

A Florida man was awarded $650,000 for an injury he sustained when he was hit in the eye by a stripper’s shoe. (via)

A D.C. burger joint has been ordered to stop grilling because the “intense and noxious odor” it creates causes employees of a neighboring business to suffer itchy and watery eyes, nausea and headaches. The complaining neighbor? A large DC-based law firm. (via)

In other restaurant news, the parents of a Tennessee boy are suing a restaurant for “severe injuries” they claim he suffered when a waiter allegedly substituted “Mega Death Hot Sauce” for the restaurant’s regular hot sauce in the boy’s meal.

Although it makes sense intellectually, my heart tells me this decision must be wrong: The Georgia Supreme Court ruled earlier this month that a city ordinance requiring property owners to mow their lawn is not involuntary servitude, i.e., slavery.

I can’t improve on LTB‘s caption so will just repeat it. Questions Not to Ask Police, #47: “Are there any warrants out for my arrest?”

Of course, there’s also the things you don’t want to hear from police, such as “don’t want relationship, just want laid.”

Nor do you want Mr. Magoo for your police force. “Police failed to spot a dead [retiree] had been murdered – until undertakers found a knife in his back.” (via)

Woman sues a couple who owns the hotel where she worked, claiming they encouraged employees to participate in a ring toss game on the husband’s penis.

Christmas comes earlier every year. This week, a Montreal man was charged with placing death threats on Facebook after he “armed himself with high-powered weapons because he feared he was being stalked by elves.” Since elves apparently aren’t on Facebook, he evidently threatened to kill certain former teachers and classmates.

I don’t go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And I beat down your door with a fucking baseball bat!

Peter Blunt (Randy Quaid), Caddyshack II

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