Blogroll

A heathen’s Christmas greeting — 2010

Another Christmas, another posting of my traditional Christmas greeting. Although I call it traditional, my greeting is not traditional in the standard sense of the word. But you gotta realize this is coming from someone whose kids remember John Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” as being the Christmas song they heard most often at home while growing up. I call my greeting traditional solely because I have used it on prior Christmases and will continue doing so into the foreseeable future. After all, isn’t that how it becomes a tradition?

Thus, in passing along Christmas greetings to you, I once again excerpt from another of the greatest Christmas songs, “The Rebel Jesus” by Jackson Browne:

And once a year when Christmas comes
We give to our relations
And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if any one of us should interfere
In the business of why there are poor
They get the same as the rebel Jesus

But pardon me if I have seemed
To take the tone of judgment
For I’ve no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In a life of hardship and of earthly toil
We have need for anything that frees us
So I bid you pleasure
And I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel Jesus


A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

“Happy Xmas (War is Over),” John Lennon

Friday Follies 2.39

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce is running its annual poll on the most ridiculous lawsuit of the year. Several appeared in this year’s editions of the Follies. (via)

Sorry that the bag containing your deceased mother’s personal effects also contained a bag with her brain in it.

People don’t need additional evidence for the Lawyers are Assholes epithet. (He also earned a “worst hockey dad ever” label from Puck Daddy.)

A Japanese woman is suing a Google search of her address brought up a photo of her underwear hanging out on her veranda.

How Not To Conduct A Job Interview 101: “A nurse claims the chairman of a hospital’s surgery department injected her with ‘truth serum’ during a job interview, then ‘pulled his pants down … and injected himself in the groin area,’ proceeded to ask her about her sexual fantasies, and offered her $1,000 to strip.”

California man gives new meaning to the phrase, “Serenity Now.” (via)


Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it.

H.L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy

Book Review: The Atheist’s Guide to Christmas

It may now be as customary as carols, eggnog or nativity scenes. Odds are that each November and December there will a fracas over whether there is a “war on Christmas.” No doubt, those who contend Christmas is under attack by liberals, secular humanists or what have you will say “we told you so” if and when they see The Atheist’s Guide to Christmas on the bookshelves. Yet one of the things this compilation of essays demonstrates is that, like the members of non-Christian religions, atheists aren’t out to eradicate Christmas.

Editors Robin Harvie and Stephanie Meyers break the essays into six broad categories dealing with Christmas and its celebration around the world. The 42 contributors (as Harvie and Meyers point out, 42 is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything range from astronomer Phil Plait to science writer Simon Singh and Duran Duran singer Simon Le Bon to iconclast Paul Krassner and satirist Neal Pollack. And, of course, what compilation of writings by atheists would be complete without Richard Dawkins, the evolutionary biologist who has become one of the leaders of the so called new atheist movement?

Those who contend there is a concerted effort to “take Christ out of Christmas” may also see this as a trans-Atlantic salvo. Given American attitudes toward atheists (they are “less likely to be accepted, publicly and privately, than any others from a long list of ethnic, religious, and other minority groups”) and the increasing secularization of the U.K. and Europe, it should come as no surprise that most of the contributors are British. Some were involved in, and many refer to, the Atheist Bus Campaign, which bought ads on London and other buses that said, “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and your life.” In fact, those buses are the starting point for Dawkins’ tongue-in-cheek “The Great Bus Mystery.”

The range of the essays is equally as broad, from the philosophical to the arts to personal experiences. Many take a humorous approach, such as Jennifer McCreight’s suggestions in “Gifts for the Godless” or Nick Doody’s overview of the science of “Christmastology.” Moreover, while most of the pieces leave no doubt the authors don’t believe in God or the Christmas of the Bible, these aren’t essays aimed at converting (so to speak) believers or claiming theists are idiots. For example, while Adam Rutherford explains why he thinks most scientists are atheists, he observes there are many good scientists who are religious and while he doesn’t understand their viewpoint, he doesn’t condemn them. Other contributors recognize some value in Christmas celebrations.

British singer/comedian Mitch Benn explains that rather than rejecting Christmas, it’s fine for an atheist to celebrate it, even if that may seem a contradiction. “What it all comes down to is a question: what is Christmas?,” he writes. “And the answer — for all of us, believer or otherwise — is that Christmas is whatever you want it to be.” Likewise, he doesn’t believe the word Christmas is exclusive territory. “It’s fine. Go ahead. Say it,” he says. “Christmas. There. That wasn’t so bad, was it? Christmas. It’s easy. Christmas.”

In “How to Escape from Christmas,” British journalist Andrew Mueller applies somewhat uncommon phrasing to express a view that may be more common than anti-atheists believe. Although Mueller doesn’t believe in God or Christianity, he says he greatly admires what he sees as the core message of the religion’s namesake: “try not to spend your brief time in this corporeal realm acting like a dickhead, and be mindful of the other chap’s point of view if at all possible. There are worse historical figures for whom we could insist on throwing an annual planet-wide party. Like, for example. almost all of them.

Natalie Haynes expresses a similar view in “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”

The values behind Christmas — I mean the ones that should, in my view, underpin Christianity but so often seem to get lost — are ones I think many non-Christians share. I’m not crazy about the baby, the shepherds, the kings, and the virgin birth, but loving one another, forgiveness, generosity? Most of us would agree that the world could do with a bit more of those.

Others in the book may not buy into the ritual or seek alternatives, such as the essays suggesting how to celebrate a green Christmas or as a pagan. Yet part of the strength of The Atheist’s Guide to Christmas is that it gives voice to a variety of perspectives from a group decried and ignored in today’s America. And one need not be an atheist or irreligious to find plenty to enjoy in it. In fact, if those most likely to view the book as an attack on Christmas would take the time to read it, they might learn that the contributors and their atheist brethren aren’t Grinches with tiny black hearts who want to destroy Christmas for others. In fact, the royalites from the book are going to England’s largest HIV charity.

Undoubtedly, though, the atheists will manage to irritate the war on Christmas set. After all, the atheists are not so doctrinaire as to insist that only those who believe can be allowed to enjoy Christmas.


Of all the days in the year, the day no one should be told how to enjoy is Christmas.

Mitch Benn, “How to Stop Worrying and Enjoy Christmas,”
The Atheist’s Guide to Christmas

Weekend Edition: 12-18

Loon of the Week

Yes, a new category! I remain amazed at the amount of craziness in the United States — and the election is over! Thus, the inaugural edition of Asshat Loon of the Week.

Blog Headline(s) of the Week

One lawsuit leads to both of this week’s winners:

Blog Line of the Week

Bookish Linkage

Nonbookish Linkage


I do not regret the folly of my youth, but the timidity.

Mason Cooley, City Aphorisms, Eleventh Selection

Friday Follies 2.38

I am a Festivus enthusiast, but I evidently missed one of its principles. A longtime inmate at the Orange County jail has successfully argued he is entitled to special meals because eating the salami served at the jail would violate his religious beliefs in Festivus.

A jury will decide if failing to put a plastic toilet paper dispenser in a “locked” position creates a dangerous condition.

A Pennsylvania couple is suing local law enforcement over the death of their 33-year-old son, alleging among other things that when they asked police to summon medical attention because he was not breathing while laying on the ground handcuffed an officer told them he “was faking it and holding his breath.”

Chief appeals court judge observes that city council member’s ““hissy fit” and “petty pique” was more disruptive of council meeting than “silent Nazi salute” by audience member. (As an aside, I agree with the decision; I just love the contrast in the judge’s concurring opinion.]

A Los Angeles man sues his female boss, alleging she had a habit of “striking and assaulting and battering male employees in their genitals.”

Who’s surprised that the story about two guys who broke into a store that gives things away for free notes that “the men were drunk.” (via)

A California judge dismissed a lawsuit against a restaurant by two men who claimed they were were scalded by “exploding” escargot. Not only did they get sprayed with hot garlic butter, one of the plaintiffs also complained of the restaurant staff’s “friggin’ rudeness.” (via)


The problem with common sense is that most people are morons.

The Sarcasm Society