Blogroll

Weekend Edition: 1-30

Dumb Lawyer of the Month (Year?) Award

  • No, you may not give specific legal advice on how to orchestrate a killing in a way calculated to provide a fabricated defense to criminal charges

Nonbookish Linkage

  • The story of Noah’s Ark may have been fake news
  • Where did music come from?
  • The Center for Systemic Peace has downgraded the U.S. from a democracy to an “anocracy” (loosely defined as part democracy and part dictatorship), losing the country’s designation as the world’s oldest, continuous democracy

Bookish Linkage

  • Write what you know: the author of a book about a serial killer is accused of murder

[T]he best conversations are with yourself. At least there’s no risk of a misunderstanding.

Olga Tokarczuk, Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead

Speaking truth to power

Finally!

The Ball of the Burning Men

Wholly unexpected events were one of the things the Game of Thrones series used to its advantage. One of the most shocking was the third season’s “Red Wedding”, where leading members of the protagonist Stark family were massacred at a wedding reception. Today marks the 628th anniversary of an equally shocking event albeit one that involved neither murder nor intent.

Today, history knows King Charles VI of France (1368-1422) as “Charles the Mad.” In April 1392, Charles experienced the first of 44 attacks of madness. The attacks lasted from three to nine months and were interspersed with three- to five-month periods of sanity for the rest of his life.

His queen, Isabeau of Barvaria, evidently believed that lavish parties she threw would help alleviate the king’s madness. Thus, on January 28, 1393, she decided to hold a masquerade ball, supposedly to celebrate the third marriage of her lady-in-waiting. The ball was a charivari, which historian Barbara Tuchman characterizes as having “all sorts of license, disguises, disorders, and loud blaring of discordant music and clanging of cymbals[.]” One nobleman came up with the idea that he and five cohorts, including King Charles, should masquerade as “wood savages.” Their costumes consisted of of linen cloth sewn onto their bodies and soaked in resinous wax or pitch to hold a covering of frazzled hemp, “so that they appeared shaggy and hairy from head to foot.” That’s right, pitch. You know, the extremely flammable tar-based resin. Maybe you can see where this is going.

Le Bal des Ardents

According to Tuchman, when the wood savages entered the ball, they “capered before the revelers, imitating the howls of wolves and making obscene gestures while the guests tried to discover their identity.” Because of the costumes, torches were forbidden. However, the king’s brother, Louis of Valois, staggered into the party drunk with a lit torch. As the “savages” were near impossible to identify, Louis had the bright idea of holding his torch close to the face of one of them. The highly flammable costume quickly ignited and as the man ran in panic to put out the flames the other flammable men caught fire. Guests who tried to douse the flames and tear the costumes from the victims were badly burned.

Charles VI, however, was saved by the 15-year-old Duchess of Berry. Amid the chaos, she had the presence of mind to wrap the train of her dress around the king to extinguish the flames. One other wild man jumped into a vat of wine (or dishwater, depending on who’s relating the story). One of the remaining four men died at the scene, two died two days later and, in what might be considered a bit of poetic justice, the noble who came up with the idea suffered for three days before dying.

The event, which came to be known as Le Bal des Ardents (the Ball of the Burning Men), caused “great commotion” in Paris. King Charles would ride in solemn procession to Notre Dame to appease the people. Behind him, the king’s brother and uncles followed barefoot as penitents. Louis also sought to atone for his actions by building a chapel at the Celestine monastery in Paris. That monastery no longer exists.

The king’s second episode of madness occurred in June 1393. Lasting about seven months, he insisted he was not King Charles VI and was unable or unwilling to recognize his wife, to whom he was persistently hostile. There were occasional brief periods during this time when he seemed relatively lucid. Eventually, though, the bouts would worsen, even to the point that Charles came to believe he was made of glass and would shatter if he was touched. At least fire doesn’t slay glass; it only melts it.


This ghastly affair, coming so soon after the King’s madness, was like an exclamation point to the malign succession of events that had tormented the century.

Barbara Tuchman, A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous 14th Century

Loco Lawsuits: It’s the NFL’s Fault

I no longer follow the NFL but with the teams being set for the Super Bowl, it seems appropriate to kick off Loco Lawsuits with a reminder that sometimes there’s little difference between a fan and a fanatic.

In the 2014 NFL season, the Dallas Cowboys won the East Division, putting them in the playoffs for the first time in five years. On January 11, 2015, they met the Green Bay Packers, North Division champs, in the divisional round of the playoffs. Both teams had 12-4 records during the regular season. With just 4:42 left in the game, the Cowboys trailed 26-21. On a fourth-and-two from Green Bay’s 32-yard-line, Dallas quarterback Tony Romo threw to wide receiver Dez Bryant, who led all receivers in touchdowns that year. Bryant was brought down at the 1-yard-line.

Green Bay, however, challenged the call. The officials overturned their initial ruling, saying Bryant did not maintain possession of the ball throughout the process of going to the ground. As a result, Green Bay got the ball and ran out the clock to win the game. Cowboys fans were livid. In fact, one fan — who just happened to be an inmate of the Colorado State Penitentiary — went after the NFL, its commissioner, its director of officiating and the referee in federal court in Texas just 10 days after the game.

Terry C. Hendrix filed a one-page, handwritten “Notice of Intent to File Suit” on behalf of Bryant, all Dallas Cowboy fans and “All People in or/and from the Sovereign Republic of Texas.” He alleged the NFL committed fraud and engaged in “gross negligence” by reversing the original call on Bryant’s “outstanding” catch. He said the NFL’s “gross stupidity” stole a win from the Cowboys “because the Cowboys offense would have perfectly created an ‘autobahn'” for the season’s leading rusher, DeMaro Murphy, to score.

Hendrix wanted damages for injury to “the hearts, minds, and souls of but not limited to [Bryant, the] onfield offense of and to include all the cheeerrrleaders [sic], fans” and everyone in or from Texas. How much? “$88,987,654,321.88¢” For the curious, the first and last two digits are Bryant’s uniform number with a countdown from nine in between.

It took the judge less than 30 days to dismiss Hendrix’s lawsuit. It ran afoul of a federal “three strike” statute governing in forma pauperis actions. It says that unless there’s “imminent danger of serious physical injury,” prisoners cannot file such suits if they’ve previously had three or more federal court actions dismissed for being “frivolous, malicious,” or failing to state a claim. Before filing this suit, federal courts in Oregon and Delaware dismissed three of his civil actions as frivolous.

Ironically, the NFL decided three years later that Bryant made a legal catch.


Professional football is a cult.

Mary McGrory, “Deliver Us From Football,” Chicago Tribune (October 13, 1975)

Weekend Edition: 1-23

Bulletin Board

  • Because I’m still in a PTSD reading mode, there will be more posts about history on this blog for a while, along with a new topic called Loco Lawsuits, premiering next week.

Most Obvious Headline of the Week

Head Scratcher Headline of the Week

Assorted Asininity

The (Hopefully) Last Appearances of He Who Must Not Be Named

Nonbookish Linkage

Bookish Linkage

  • SF author and Hugo Award winner Ursula K. Le Guin is getting a U.S. postage stamp

Full immunity from Donald J. Trump will require two doses of impeachment.

The Borowitz Report, January 10, 2021